It should come as no surprise to anyone, if there is anyone, who’s been trying to keep up-to-date with me and my compositions that I’ve had huge slumps for the longest time and that I haven’t really been able to create anything substantial. Considering my previous posts of course, this is partly due to conflicts regarding what I want my audience to hear, and what I want to hear. I’ve been really confused myself because while I’ve been trying to work on the latter and make music for the sake of expression, I was still held back somehow and the ideas just stopped in its tracks whenever I tried.
The strangest thing is, I absolutely don’t feel like music has ever left my life. Just ’cause I’m not able to do all those things I did years back doesn’t mean I don’t still listen to, appreciate and perform music. There was just this gaping disparity between the ideas that come to mind now between the music that I tell myself to make. Opening up FL Studio just doesn’t feel the same as it did before.
Helpless and out of ideas, I tried to go back to my roots and use my old notation-based MIDI composing software, NoteWorthy Composer. To my absolute surprise and shock, I was able to whip out melodies and harmonies as if I never left. This is when I was able to realize that my life’s expression at this stage cannot use FL Studio’s digital mixer piano roll interface to weave its songs. It seems that I need to take a break from that kind of expression since I only feel tired and exhausted when faced with it.
I was able to find out that I needed to start making music for myself again, but I hadn’t been able to realize the proper tools that resonate with my music, directions and inspirations until today.
I can only hope that I’ll finally be able to grow musically again this way.