A Late Realization

…damn. Today, I felt this post’s title in full force. Just yesterday, I wrote a post about me and making animations and video games, and how everything I used to do seemed to point me in that direction. Everything I typed in yesterday, I only realized yesterday. I mean, I used to single-handedly make all these movies and games, and somehow I’m really thinking about why I decided to stop. Was it because of the new options that showed up? My concentration on only music? Or maybe the mindset that if I were really to take these things seriously, I’d go jump right in to something with learning curves like Flash for my need to create animated stories and games?

The first reason that’s probably the case is my concentration on music. If I worked on other things, I may not even be in the state I’m in now with LEAF XCEED Music Division. But I feel I made a mistake by concentrating only on music, and nothing else. Sure, everything I did during the summers of my entire high school years were very music-oriented only, and that helped me progress like I do now, but there were many times where I did feel an emptiness that gaming couldn’t fill. Then I evaluated myself even more. How come I didn’t feel this empty during the summers before high school? What was it that kept me occupied then, when I tried to find things to do this summer which I never really pulled through with? What was something that I was so comfortable and highly satisfied with doing?

Yeah, you can guess where I’m going with this. I stopped development on anything Powerpoint-related really around the start of high school. That development was what occupied my time and helped satiate my need for my other artistic endeavors other than musical ones. Powerpoint was the format that I transformed into my output for my desire to create movies and games, and when I stopped doing that, things seemed so bland. For four years now. Four years of failed commitments when I already found the answer that worked for me until I decided to drop it and focus on music.

My opinion on music is unchanged. I appreciate every single bit of it and what I was able to do with it as much as I did even before yesterday. But I will still need a course of action after realizing what I’ve been missing out on. I believe that “Music = Life”, yes, but that’s not to say that music is the only equivalent of life, and life is the only equivalent of music.

There is far more in the world to do and to be.

And realizing that I already found what I did best but eventually ended up dropping it completely makes me facepalm.

Along with the fact that it’s a bit too late to realize this. My summer’s ending, and I’m about to take a nosedive into the hardest moments of my academic life, where there will be no more full summers, no more time to slack off. But for those moments of rest, I’ll be sure to come back somehow, what with my recent self-revelations. Whether it be an attempt to go into either visual novel creation through the free Ren’Py engine, or movie and game creation through Microsoft Powerpoint or Adobe Flash, or anything similar (Game maker programs for the PC and the DS, creating a visual novel for VNDS) will be up to me.

But I’m 100% sure that I won’t die without creating and finishing at least one of these. LEAF XCEED doesn’t have a Technology Division for nothing. šŸ˜€

~ by rtnario on June 2, 2011.

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